When my wife and I moved to the eternally sunny state of Colorado, a few precious familiarities gently ushered us into life now much closer to mountains. One, the price of beef was reliably steady, and my cholesterol barely noticed the difference. Two, the American Furniture Warehouse was nearby, and a thirty dollar end-table has never been far from my grasp. Three, the commercials on televisions for local businesses are as terrible as they’ve ever been, and their fodder for over-dinner laughter remains consistent.
Of particular focus (for this short piece) is that of Rocky’s Autos. While I’ve only been a citizen near the mile-high city for roughly four years now, I believe Rocky’s Autos holds in the public group-think a cypher that I’m still yet unable to decode. The Sawaya Law Firm is of similar stock (we’ll leave Hank Azar and Dealin’ Doug in their own bizarre corners for this writing). According to the quickly covered statistics in their commercials, Rocky’s Autos is quite the happening place to buy a used automobile in Colorado, and judging by the frequency of the commercials on television – this may hold a grain or two of truth. Rocky’s Autos is apparently also haunted by an attractive blond named Audra, a police officer, and a mildly rotund high-energy gentlemen (I believe his name is Shaggy) who – on the payroll or not – find joy in spreading the Rocky’s gospel. As far as the commercials tell me, these three wander the car lots at Rocky’s looking with squinted eyes into the sun, hungry, and without aim. Occasionally, from the benefactions of Rocky’s consumer base, a video camera is summoned, and with smiles and renewed purpose the hijinks then ensue.
My point is more of a question, a “royal” question to be floated out into the heat and vapor. Why do these businesses, in the year of our Lord two thousand and ten, spend a great deal (or a partial deal) on television commercials – then clearly neglect such investment their web presence? Surely they understand that the great majority of the populace, when looking to investigate future patronage, use the world-wide-web before visiting said establishment? Before I submitted my body to the expensive torture known as “the dentist” – I did two things: I ate a cheeseburger, and then I used the internet to research local dentists. While the cheeseburger was irrelevant (though tasty) – I chose the dentist that had the best looking, easiest to navigate – and most importantly, the best information at hand on their site.
Rocky’s Autos does indeed have a website, however the Flash intro, the table-based code, poor navigation, and ill-rendered graphical treatment / layout all betray that this site has been sitting here unattended on the web since the late nineties.
Strike that. In the effort of fairness, the Wayback Machine actually says the site hasn’t changed since at least 2003, going on seven years ago.
However, Rocky’s Autos, now that I’ve lambasted you and your good works, call us. We’ll help you with your sorely needed makeover, and render your digital eyesore into something painted with magnificence.
Also, don’t tell my wife I have a crush on Audra.
